Dating a flirtatious guy
I’ve had relationships that I have tried hard to keep in “stasis”.
What I mean is that I like them right where they are…
And no one is better than I at being a basket-case after a long relationship ends.
But I don't get the "hurt-feelings-when-we-haven't-even-met" thing.
So when women tell about guys they emailed a few times who call them every foul name imaginable because they wouldn't go out with the guy, I get worried for these women.
When I didn't follow up with a woman I met once for what can only be called a bad date who then sent me a note telling me in some graphic detail how awful I was for not contacting her, I was confused. If we applied for a job and didn't get an interview, or got an interview but didn't get the job, would we send a hostile note? So this laboratory called online dating has some quirks.
I know she’s not interested in hooking up with other guys, we see each other regularly enough (one a week or so) and when we’re together it’s nice, but there’s no feeling of exclusivity or dependency. The girl starts becoming attached to me, missing me and wanting to become more “official”.
I’m not looking for that and when that starts coming up, I scale my presence in her life back considerably – I don’t want things to turn into a relationship and therefore I withdraw. I’ve pushed her away and now I’m going to lose her. my goal being that I’d like to return to “stasis” – that perfect sweet spot of comfortable company and sexual satisfaction without having to tie myself down to any relationship.
But one of the weirdest behaviors is the phenomenon of people getting their feelings hurt by, and reacting angrily to, people they haven't even met.In the end, they’ve failed because I knew in my mind, heart and gut that it wasn’t what I wanted and as much as I tried to numb myself into wanting the relationship, I couldn’t kid myself.My point in all of this is that if you withdraw, you will most likely get him to put in more effort, but that will only take you so far.I've had several first dates where we enjoyed each other but things didn't heat up enough intellectually, spiritually and physically, to go to the next step only to get texts or emails along the lines of "Most men I meet can't WAIT to see me again!
" (That is an exact quote.) Another potential date (this one was three to four years ago, but the memory is clear) and I texted back and forth about when and where to meet.
Ultimately, if you want a relationship to be as you want it to be, you need to be true to what you really want.